Being Thawed
No, this is not a blog written in winter, and we all wish it were warmer outside so we could thaw. Have you ever been so busy going through the motions that it never dawned on you that you were frozen? How can one move, operate, and function, yet be frozen inside? Well, I had found myself there, not by my own realization, but by the Holy Spirit and His always sweet and gentle whisper.
Some of us, with Sanctioned Love, had the opportunity to attend the Jesus Culture Pastor’s Conference in Sacramento, CA.
First, commercial break: If you are a pastor or leader, you need to get your butt to one of those conferences. Be refreshed, and stop making your schedule so busy that you have no time to be refreshed and filled. Ok, commercial break over.
We were in the first night of worship, and the Holy Spirit showed me a picture of my heart, and it was frozen. How was this possible? I had been busy. I had already gone through some “hell seasons” and came out the other side being grateful that I was never alone. I had learned about a new layer of intimacy with Jesus. I had helped walk people to freedom with Jesus. I had a list of tasks to achieve and mark off. How could I be functioning so well, but my heart be so frozen? I should also add that my heart was not just frozen—there was a huge ice block around my heart. How did that get there?
How did that get there, you ask? Oh, because I was afraid to be soft because being soft and gentle was wounding to my heart, wounding pieces of my identity. I had found a new functionality that seemed to keep me operating and keep my head above water. I did not have to tend to the possible dreams, the memories of being let down, the regrets, the frustrations, the shoulda-coulda-wouldas. I did not have to be intimate now because I learned a new layer, and what I had just learned and then taught could be pushed to the side. Maybe I am the only one who’s been there, but wow. It was very sobering and humbling. What I am trying to say is that as I look back, I can see HOW I got there, but in the moment I never knew I was getting there.
Shame and regret could easily have come in, and all the “old” tricks that the enemy tries to dangle as rotten fruit in front of me and you. I chose not to bite because leaning into what the Holy Spirit was saying was much more sweet and comfortable. I did not want to be frozen. I am not supposed to be frozen. I wanted to be thawed. I did not want to be submerged in hot water, but wanted a gentle melt, and He did just that for me!
The conference just built in momentum from message to break-out, to message, to worship, to message, and so on. I could really feel the thawing take place. The best part? I did NOTHING! NOT-A-THING! . . . I just received it. I was boastfully selfish to receive. When was the last time that you were boastfully selfish to receive? His sweet presence and oil just thawed that block over a two-and-a-half-day process. A fire started to burn, and I began to find dreams and passion. I did not get a prophetic word. I did not get personal ministry. Most of us would think that those would have had to have taken place in order for thawing to happen. Nope, not this time. I was actually disappointed that I did not get ministry in one breakout and felt like I was rejected multiple times, but the Holy Spirit had told me, “They are not supposed to minister over you.” I responded, “But Jesus, I need something from you.” When we trust Him more than what we think we need, it ALWAYS turns out better than we could have imagined.
I am so grateful for the walking out of this process, realizing I was frozen; selfishly receiving; feeling the thawing process happen; starting to dream and feel the fire come alive inside me again. Do not be afraid to realize the frozen block inside you, but let the Holy Spirit thaw it for you. Receive what He has for you. A perfect gift that no person would be able to provide. Do not get me wrong, I love the prophetic—God speaking to His people THROUGH His people—powerful stuff! There are times when we need the real voice to do His work without our help.. We need the warmth of His heart to thaw our heart.
If you find yourself here, listen to the song “Center” by Abbie Gamboa. Soak, soak, soak, and soak some more. Stop making things complicated and just let Jesus come and thaw you and any place that needs it. Yes, easier said than done, but actually so much easier than you think. No matter what is going on, position your heart to receive. There is a maturity that takes place in this when you realize that you should not need to be reminded to be hungry. I have forgotten this sometimes when I am being a Martha, and I need to be more of a Mary. Do not let shame come in, just repent (turn in the opposite direction) and choose differently. Let Him thaw you. It is so freeing!
Get ready . . . Get set . . . and receive . . .
Be Blessed,
Megan Stockwell.
