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Rheyma in Real Life
This is not a parable; this is the real deal. These are actual conversations I have with Jesus from my
journal. I am walking this out in real-time.
Me: Jesus, it has been about two and a half months since I wrote my “addendum” (see previous blog 3/22/22), and I am doing a little check-in. You asked me to “walk with You.” I can’t say I have done particularly well with that request.
I was strictly in survival mode for a month and barely survived that. Some days I thought I might explode; the internal pressure was so high in me. I was just hanging on, and sometimes not. I have cried more in the last two months than I have in the last two decades.
With my “heart injury box” now gone, my thoughts and feelings seem like free radicals inside me that need to be neutralized, if not eradicated!
They are like loose live wires flopping uncontrollably, randomly spitting out sparks. These “sparks” are my not-so-pretty thoughts and feelings left behind, ungrounded and dangerous. Without a box to put them in, they are now free to roam around until they get triggered, at which time they might fly out of my mouth without notice and definitely do not edify anyone.
Have You heard any of them, Jesus?”
Jesus: “Yes, Rheyma, I have.”
Me: “Actually, I know You have Jesus because Holy Spirit has been calling me on them. But Jesus……..haven’t you ever just wanted to tell someone off? I mean, let them know they are wrong and you are not? That they hurt you? How will they know if “someone” doesn’t tell them? You see that way, they will know how much they hurt me and are able to feel bad about it and repent…….just sayin’………”
“A few weeks post survival mode, “things” started to become bearable; the stress easing, the pressure decreasing, and the feeling of internal combustion was subsiding. I was able to at least take a breath. But now, I was wanting to get back on that same old ship and sail away. Do things the way I have always done them-cover over my emotions, take the path of least resistance, pretend like everything is “okay,” and go back to “the familiar.” But then I start “defaulting to my defaults.” And even though it is possible and easier in the moment to go that route again, it is not the one I want to choose. Been there, done that, bought the shirt, got a medal, and still ended up losing.”
Me still: “Jesus, You, asked me to take a walk with You. To spend time with You-just the two of us, enjoying time together. Now, you would think that would be pretty easy, right? AAAAHHH, that’s a no! I really don’t know how to be still. To relax and enjoy. To go for a stroll, look at the flowers, smell Spring in the air, and just be with You, Jesus.
I don’t think You are talking about blasting praise music through the house and doing the chores. No, You are talking about just enjoying being with You and You with me.”
Jesus: “Do you even know what being still means, Rheyma?”
Me: “No, not really. When I am being still, I am still not being still. I think it is a lost concept, especially with social media today. Growing up, I used to be able to relax and enjoy things, people, and life in general. Now, it seems to just be do, do, do.
I love how You make no bones about what You are telling me. It is not like I have to guess or figure it out. Nope, You say it straight up to me because You know I tend to get it best that way. So, once again, in my devotional, I Hear His Whisper, by Simmons and Rodriguez, You talked about rushing. How in our lives, we tend to always be rushing here, rushing there, doing, doing, doing. Even when we are sitting still, our minds are still rushing. Rushing here, rushing there.”
Jesus: “Sound familiar, Rheyma?”
Me: “AAAHHH….maybe a little. Oookaay, maybe a lot.”
Jesus: “Rheyma, there is no condemnation in Me, but this walk with Me requires intentionality. You must choose to make and take time with Me. You must be intentional about being still with me.
This walk with Me is absolutely “the way less traveled.” It is a road you have never walked before. One you never even knew existed spiritually. It requires less talking and more listening. More believing and more trusting. These are action words. Not just Bible words you throw around at church to sound spiritual. I am asking you to put these words into action, Rheyma, in-your-heart. To do them, not just say them. These are heart-action words, NOT mouth-action words.
I know you have heard, “My ways are not your ways.” It is time to step out, believe, trust and have faith IN ME. It is time for action, my sweet Rheyma.”
Me: “Okay, Jesus, I am willing. Where do I start?”
Jesus: “Being willing is the perfect place to start, Rheyma. A willing heart is a teachable heart.”
Me: “I am definitely willing, Jesus. When what’s next?”
Jesus: “Next, I want you to:
STOP-doing human reasoning.
LOOK–AT Me, Rheyma. Not for Me, but AT Me.
LISTEN-to Holy Spirit. You and I both know you hear Him.
ACT-Act on what you hear Holy Spirit saying. Realize that sometimes action can mean inaction.”
Me: “You mean like keeping your mouth shut? And why Holy Spirit has been asking me, “Is that comment on the tip of your tongue necessary, Rheyma? Is it going to edify the hearer?” I have definitely heard that question a lot lately. Those stinkin’ free radicals!
I heard something in a movie I saw last night called The Cupcake Mayor (don’t laugh, I love “feel good” movies). Anyway, it said, “You chose the road, OR the road chooses you.” I don’t want the road to choose me. I have already been down that road. I call it my default road. The one where I default to my defaults, just try to stay afloat and look like everything is going fine as I slowly sink below the water line. No, I am choosing Your road, Jesus–the road less traveled. What will that require of me, Jesus? How do I walk it in real life?”
Jesus: “Rheyma, do you remember the scene in the movie “The Shack” where Mack is in the row boat, it is sinking, and he doesn’t know what to do? He is terrified and desperately trying to figure out how to stop the water from coming into the boat. I tell him, “Look at Me, Mack. Focus on Me.” But he is so scared, frantically trying not to go down with the boat, that he cannot even hear Me. I keep telling him to “Look AT Me, Mack,” and when he finally does, the boat stops sinking. Like my disciple Peter, who walked on water while a storm was raging (Matthew 14:22-33). As long as he kept his eyes fixed on Me, he stayed on top of the water and walking towards Me, regardless of what the storm was doing around him.
And that Rheyma is what walking the road less traveled requires of you. In real life, stop trying to figure out what you “need” to do, say, or be to walk this road with Me. Look AT Me, focus ON Me, and Me alone. You will need to be intentional about spending time with Me; it “just doesn’t happen,”, especially in today’s world. My Father, Holy Spirit, and I will teach you. As you meet and talk with Us, We will instruct you and teach you in the way to go (Psalm 32:8). As you listen and act, you will know Our voices more and more. It is essential to be intentional, Rheyma.”
Me: “Jesus, I read this snippet in “Intimacy with the Almighty” by Charles Swindoll.
Noise and words and frenzied, hectic schedules dull our senses, closing our ears to His still small voice and making us numb to His touch.”
Jesus: “Yes, Rheyma, this is true and why intentionality is vitally important. You must choose to make and take time for Me. It is not going to just happen.”
Me: “So many questions, Jesus. How? When? Where? What?”
Jesus: “I get that, but this “walk with Me” is not dependent on you, Rheyma. Remember what I said about believe and trust? That they are action words. You must choose to put them into action–heart action, by believing and trusting that what I say is true, no matter how you feel. Choose intentionality, My daughter. Set time aside for Me, and come. My Father, Holy Spirit, and I will meet you there.”
“Your job Rheyma is to choose Me. I have already chosen you.”
Rheyma Oosterman
