Breakthrough Revelation

Healing from Abandonment & Rejection

I have been experiencing lots of negative emotions around my husband who is “disappearing”
– physically, mentally, emotionally, due to various disabilities that are increasing with age. I have
become his “manager” and caregiver. I find myself being impatient, angry, resentful and
overwhelmed, and it sounds so selfish and horrible that I could have these emotions. In my
humanity, I just long for someone to take care of ME! So in this dilemma on how to navigate
life around this…leaning into the Lord to give me what I need for each day, each moment, each
situation. I was confessing to him about my struggles and memories began coming to my
mind from my past, which revealed to me the feelings of abandonment and rejection growing
up and into my adulthood. It dawned on me like a bright light that my husband’s
“disappearing” is yet another abandonment in my life. Through all of this, the enemy has put a
hook in me that tells me that since everyone who was meant to care for me has either rejected
me or abandoned me, God will also do the same. There will come a day when he will tell me
he’s done with me and I’m on my own.
My earliest memories:
• Age 2: Locked out of the house
• Age 2: Left in a children’s hospital, put in a caged bed -to be babysat overnight
• Age 4 – waking up all alone to an empty house
• Age 7 – walking home from school, a stranger met me and my sister on the corner 1/2 mile
from home stating she is our babysitter
• 9th grade – my sister announced to a room full of kids not to have anything to do with me
because I believe in God
• College – father threatens to disown me if I don’t apologize for standing up to my mother.
• 1st marriage: husband despises me; physical, emotional , spiritual abuse
• 48 yrs old- mom officially disowns me and another sister
• 71 yrs old, husband is “disappearing” from life- mentally, & physically (memory loss/
physical disabilities.
Realizing now that all the people in my life who should have loved me, cared for me, wanted
me, have abandoned me in one way or another. All of this has created a very deep root in my
heart that tells me I am not good enough, not worth it, not important, not valuable. And the
enemy of my soul whispers to me that God will abandon me too. Yes, he’s been faithful, he’s
done marvelous things in my life, he’s taken me through so much…but he will also eventually
be done with me. And this deep root is the source of my fears and anxieties which I have
carried all the days of my life.
Vision: I see a very very large corkscrew drill going deep into the ground, like an oil drill. This
drill is God’s tool. It is going after this root of abandonment and rejection. The root is very
deep with tentacles. He pulls the drill up – exposing a very deep dark hole. Jesus steps next
to the hole and holds his nail pierced hand over it. Drops of blood flow down into the hole. The
blood soaks deep – penetrating the root and its tentacles. His blood is the weed killer, the lie
destroyer. I see the blood burning the lie- it sizzles and smokes. “Death to Yesterday’s
Trauma!” Death to the lie that God will abandon me, and forsake me. His blood is healing, life
giving.

I see light coming from the ground as the lie is being destroyed – light permeates the earth. The
lie is disappearing and is replaced with light and life. Seeds of hope, trust ,joy, faithfulness,
seeds of God’s goodness and glory are planted in this place.
Seeing myself as that 2 year old – locked out of the house: I’m banging on the door, crying to
get in. I have to go to the bathroom. I wet myself. Feeling overcome with rejection, shame,
humiliation…. Jesus appears. With him is a beautiful angel. She scoops me up in her arms
and cradles me like a baby, rocking and comforting me, gazing into me with such love. I feel
safe, I feel taken care of, I feel loved.
In the caged hospital bed – I’m crying, other children are crying. The nurse yells at us to shut
up and lay down. I’m scared, feeling rejected and abandoned. I see angels all around me.
One is gently rubbing my back, they are all humming sweet songs, soothing me, comforting
me. I am not alone.
Waking up at 4 years old in an empty house – looking for somebody, anybody. No one is
home. Just me. Where is everyone? Why did they leave me? I am so afraid. Feeling so lost.
No one wants me. No one cares about me. I’ve been left. I see angels all around the house,
and a few are in the front yard guarding me, protecting me. I’m not alone.
Standing on the street corner with a stranger who says she’s my babysitter. Again, fear, feeling
helpless, left again and forgotten by my mother. I see a white cloud of energy and light
encompassing me – God’s presence surrounds me, protects me. I am safe.
Seeing all the other incidences as if in a faded movie play out in my mind. Then I see boulders
and rocks on the path of my life’s journey. I see myself stumbling, falling, hands and knees
bleeding. Angels are positioned all along the sides of the path watching me. From time to time
an angel would help me up, but quickly step aside. I hear that this is training me to be strong
and resilient – like a boot camp. Nothing is wasted. The difficulties, challenges, hardships are
developing character and perseverance. God has always been with me. He has always seen
me. He will never ever leave me, nor abandon me, nor forsake me. Not then, not now, not
ever.

“I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord
for whom I have suffered the loss of all things and count them but rubbish, so that I may gain
Christ and may be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own, but that which is
through faith in Christ…
That I may know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship his sufferings, being
conformed to His death, in order the I may attain to the resurrection of the dead….I press on
toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.” Philippine 3
“Consider it all joy when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith
produces endurance, and let endurance have its perfect result, that you may be perfect and
complete, lacking in nothing.” James 1:3-4
“All things work together for good to those who love God and are called according to His
purpose. Romans 8:28

• Sandy Martin