Rheyma Learns To Fill Her Bucket

Rheyma: “Jesus, You know that my main “go-tos” have been people and food when I got overloaded/overwhelmed, or my heart hurt and needed comfort.

You also know, as I have had to learn, that neither of those satisfied or comforted me or my heart. But why is it that even when I now “run to You,” my heart isn’t comforted either? I mean, isn’t that what I’m supposed to do? Run to You? That’s the right thing to do instead of running to food or people, right? So why am I not comforted?”

Jesus: “Because, My daughter, you run laterally. You can’t fill your bucket by running horizontally straight into the side of it. You need to fill your bucket vertically from the top down.”

Rheyma: “I have tried that, Jesus. I’ve tried vertically.”

Jesus: “Yes, you have My daughter, but mostly you’re yelling from the bottom up to Me or at Me.”

Rheyma: “Oh . . . I guess that’s true, now that I think about it. Kind of like an entitlement thing, huh?—‘You owe me because I’m your daughter.’” That’s sad and rings of arrogance. I am sorry, Jesus. I repent and ask forgiveness. Thank you for forgiving me and restoring me back to righteousness—right standing with You. (1 John 1:9) So what is the ‘right way’ to come to You, Jesus, and bring my overwhelmed, overloaded, hurting heart? Teach me, Jesus.”

Jesus: “Come humbly to Me. Sit down. Take your hands and your work off it. Come and receive. Receive My love. Invite the Holy Spirit into all the hurt, no matter how ugly, goopy, or painful it may be, even if you don’t know how. Say, ‘Jesus, here I am. Holy Spirit, here I am, and I invite You into all my hurt, all my mess. I don’t know how to not hurt or what to do with it. Please help me.’ Then, My daughter, sit and receive from Me. You can simply say, ‘Jesus, I receive Your love. Holy Spirit, I receive Your help. THEN EXPECT IT!” You make it complicated, Rheyma. I am not complicated. I am loving, faithful, trustworthy, and compassionate. You Rheyma forget to receive, because you are so used to doing it yourself. Time to release and receive. I will not fail you.”

Follow up: I am coming to Jesus more often now. Yes, I take the ‘old’ road occasionally now, more than I would like to admit. But when I come humbly, release my hurts, worries, struggles, and overwhelmed-ness—no matter where it is coming from—Jesus and Holy Spirit show up.  And as I release and rely on Them—AND NOT ME—Their supernatural comes into my natural.

Can I see the whole picture? No. Does everything get better all at once? No. Does it take ‘work’ to trust Them and not me? Yes! Must I choose to ‘go with Them and Their ways over my ways?  (which probably got me in a mess in the first place!) Yes! (Isaiah 55:8-9) But as I let my heart rest in Them, I can rest. Does it take work to learn to trust and rest? YES! But as you take Their path more often, you begin to head that way sooner, and the path becomes more familiar and easier. 

Am I still in the process? Yes! Are Jesus and Holy Spirit still working with me? Yes! Am I still allowing Them to work? Yes!

Some keywords for me that are making my journey easier:

• HUMBLE myself
• CHOICE—choose Jesus and Holy Spirit over me and my ideas and ways.
• TRUST Jesus and Holy Spirit—RELEASE my hurts, etc. to Them 
• EXPECT and RECEIVE

Blessings,

Rheyma Oosterman

Sanctioned Love